Above is a pic of my youngest daughter and me.
My Husband, My brother in Christ
Does my life match my words?
Sometimes I have sleepless nights. I figure there is a purpose other than me staying in bed feeling sorry for myself, so I often find it to be an opportunity to pray for those on my heart... and then also post what is on my heart.
I go prayer walking in my neighborhood with 2 other ladies once a week. It is a joyous time that I look forward to... and we earnestly do pray... sometimes in tears. We tend to spend the first lap around our 1/2 mile circle of a neighborhood that consists of about 35 homes catching up with each others personal prayer requests. I tend to ask what they are studying in the Word of God, what are they memorizing, what did the Lord teach them this morning in His precious Word... and then we pray for each family as we pass their home.
This most recent prayer walk (as I am limping along), one of the ladies said, "Lisa, you prayed for our children... that we would raise them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord and that they would grow up boldly proclaiming the Gospel in their lives. I need that prayer too... especially when it pertains to boldness."
I initially began talking to her about the fear of man versus the fear of God... but then she sweetly interrupted... "It isn't really that... I have felt too much pain in my life to worry so much about what people think. I know life is short. It's the fear that the Lord will make me into a Job. I don't want to suffer like that and I feel so selfish. I don't want to think about being a martyr or something."
This young lady who has 4 children and is more like a sister than a neighbor has been through much pain... including that her first husband, who fathered her first 2 children, was diagnosed with leukemia 4 years into their marriage and within 36 hours of the diagnosis... she watched him die in their home.
This made me think of what Brian @ Voice of the Sheep commented on the Team Pyro blog yesterday...He wrote, The blind man was blind from birth...NOT because of his sin or his parents' sin...but so that the works of God might be displayed in him. Oh, how scary it is sometimes to pray to my Father that He would be glorified through me...for His power is perfected in weakness, and I honestly fear sometimes that He will choose to glorify [Himself in my life] in a way that he has these four examples. God forgive my selfishness and little faith.
Every Christian struggles with that. I struggle with that. I know the truth. I know that God's strength is powerfully displayed in my weakness. So yes... Lord forgive also my selfishness and little faith. We serve a faithful and mighty God and I may have all the right words to say... but will my actions match my words in times of affliction or if the Lord so chooses a path for me that includes a wheelchair or debilitating disease?
I write that trembling because I do have multiple sclerosis... and it is possible that I will end up in a wheel chair.
I don't typically write about the MS on other peoples blogs... but I did yesterday. It is still that pride struggle. I just pray that my words match my life.
It is never my intention to minimize anyone else's pain or affliction... but I do believe when we put it in perspective in light of eternity, every pain, every trial, every loss... whether it be spending a lifetime in a wheelchair or watching your spouse die within 36 hours of a cancer diagnosis is a temporary light affliction in light of the eternal weight of glory. Such Christian people, like Joni Erickson Tada, would rather live with such affliction knowing and living for Christ now... than live in fleeting comfort here on this earth yet separated from Christ for eternity.
I was immensely blessed by the recent string of posts over at Pyro. They were certainly on a role. Even though they are sometimes a little crazy, I have learned so much from them.
I read this Psalm this morning and thought once again about the people in Dan's post... I imagine this is something they sing in their hearts... as I, too, long to sing it in mine no matter what happens.
Preserve me, O God, for I take refuge in You. I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good besides You."
As for the saints who are in the earth, they are the majestic ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those who have bartered for another god will be multiplied...
The LORD is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot. The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.
I will bless the LORD who has counseled me; Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night.
I have set the LORD continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will dwell securely.
For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol; Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.--Psalm 16
Comments
Yes!! When I read Brian's comments yesterday I too was struck by his comments--particularly regarding the fear that God may afflict him in a major way and how that reflects our selfishness and lack of faith.
For me, my infertility was a major "affliction". But praise God, He caused me to look back on those dark days and clearly see how He taught me about His sovereignty. Those painful times are now sweet memories rather than bitter.
While I'm thankful that "God afflicted me", there honestly still is a measure of fear. That's why I think it's so important that we diligently study His Word and grow to know Him better NOW, in the "good" days--so that we're well-equipped with His ways and His Word for the "bad" days.
I know I'm "preaching to the choir", but it's just so encouraging to know other Xian women (and men) who have learned and continue to learn that God's ways are so far beyond our understanding--but so worthy of our trust! (P.S. While I pray that God might be pleased to spare you the need for a wheelchair, I seriuosly doubt it would truly slow you down in anyway!) :-)
Posted by: connie | December 29, 2006 08:54 AM
Admit it Lisa, you just want my Abominable Snowman slippers.
All joking aside, you've expressed the very thing on my heart this morning, and most of the day yesterday after reading Dan's post at TeamPyro, then Kim's post at The Upward Call.
You know, at the risk of being cliche-ish, life is hard but God IS good. I don't say that because I've had (to date) an easy life - because I haven't. I say that because it's simply true, and when His goodness is our focus, it overshadows that fear we have of pain, trials and suffering. The challenge for me, is keeping that the focus.
And you still can't have my slippers. So there.
:)
Posted by: Carla Rolfe | December 29, 2006 09:05 AM
You know Carla... come to think of it, that is what kept me from sleeping last night. Coveting those way cool furry slippers.
Dan's post obviously hit a chord that needed to be sung. It's one of his best and the Lord is using it to encourage alot of people to think Biblically about suffering.
Connie and Carla... I appreciate your comments, your courage, your lives, the words you write. You reflect our Saviour. Thank you both for making me laugh.
Posted by: lisa4given | December 29, 2006 09:24 AM
Lisa -
I have read your blog off and on for a while now -- Brian(@ Voice of the Sheep) is my older brother :-) -- and I have enjoyed reading your writings. This one is particularly convicting.
I, too, struggle with the same things as my brother, Brian ... I think we, as a Church, in general, don't have the correct view of suffering. You can count me in that lot. There are many, many references to present suffering and it's bringing about the glory of God. I began to list a few but found them to be too numerous. God obviously has a lot to say in His word about suffering. Would that I would be like Paul when he says,
"But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.
More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,
and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith,
that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death;
in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." (Phil. 3:7-11)
I have a long way to go to get there, but I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus....
Thanks for such heart-felt and convicting words today.
Blessings!
Posted by: Heather | December 29, 2006 04:24 PM
Heather,
Thank you for your comment. It blessed me so much. I enjoy popping over to your brothers blog. He obviously thinks Biblically and longs to bring glory to our Father... and also obviously loves his family. His comment over at Pyro really convicted me.
We all have a long way to go... that is why I mean it when I close with press on in HIS truth and HIS love for HIS glory.
Thank you again and to God be ALL the glory,
Lisa
Posted by: lisa4given | December 29, 2006 06:27 PM
Hi I came by way of pyro. I just wanted to say "wow." 6 kids, MS, and you are a great testomony to me. I am always so wrapped up in myself and my "issues" and trials, no matter how hard I try not to be. I hope you all had a great Christmas after your little incident, I am glad he was ok. God bless.
Posted by: Striving | December 29, 2006 11:33 PM
Hello Striving,
We can all struggle with being wrapped up in [ourselves] and [our] "issues" and trials...
That's why Dan's post was so God glorifying, edifying, convicting and spoke to so many people.
My husband's leg is healing and we do have a bit of a chuckle over it now. The location of the wound is about 4 to 6 inches above his knee, inner thigh. Tender... OUCH!!!
May the Lord bless you abundantly.
Sincerely and to God be ALL the glory,
Lisa
Posted by: lisa4given | December 30, 2006 03:13 AM