Above is a pic of my youngest daughter and me.
My Husband, My brother in Christ
Particularly Superb... another give-away
Even though chapter 5 of Doing Things Right in the Matters of the Heart is less than 3 pages long, Ensor's illustration in this chapter that he feels sums up the entire book is particularly superb. It is so topknotch that I will refrain from sharing it with you here because, as you know, I strongly believe this book is a must-have... so don't miss out.
He begins this chapter with:
There are many things we could use some help with in matters of the heart: how to fight fair, how to communicate better, how to change and grow without drifting apart, how to achieve mutual fulfillment in intimacy, how to divide the chores. None of these things do we get in Scripture. Instead what we get is the heart of the matter: how to achieve unity, how to become one. The rest will work itself out according to personal preferences, gifts, and time... The heart of the matter is unity, two people becoming one. The wisdom and guidance we get from Scripture is that which promotes unity of spirit and shows how two very different people move as one...
If you will consider sending me an e-mail or blogging about it or even leaving a comment here that answers any of the four "how to's" highlighted above according to your experience, I will consider sending you a free copy of this book. Deadline is next Friday by noon, July 20th. These things are worth considering and sharing with others. You never know how profoundly the Lord can use your experiences (even the simple ones) to encourage or change another person's life.
This is a Girl Talk book study and we are only 1/3 of the way through the book, so it is still not too late to participate. Just lettin' ya know. :-)
Comments
Hi Lisa,
I guess I am a bit befuddled by the "how to fight fair" one. Seems like it would be better titled, "how to avoid fighting in marriage". If we indeed have our utmost goal being to serve the Lord, and we take the scriptures to heart, then would we really "fight" with our husbands? Phil 2:3-4; Phil 4:8; Psalm 19:14; Ephesians 4:26, 29-32 All of these scriptures speak to this issue.
What is "fair" anyway? Is God "fair"? My husband's definition of fair is this: "Someone else has something I want and I don't want to work to get it." I think that is pretty accurate. No, God would not be considered "fair" by our society's standards. The blessings He doled out were not equal to all people. Some were not even chosen to be in His Kingdom. Now THAT is certainly not "fair"!! Granted, we are not God, we are sinful humans. But, we are called to have our goal as becoming more like Christ each day, are we not?
So, back to the question of how to "fight fair". I will go out on a limb and say that we should not even fight with our husbands at all. Certainly we should stand for God's truths in our marriage, even if we are not married to believers. And, God does send believers out to do battle at times, but does He instruct us anywhere in Scripture to fight with our husbands? Not in my Bible.
This does not mean that we, as wives, cannot discuss matters with our husbands and even disagree with them. Certainly, we can present them with information we may feel they are not aware of in particular situations, too. Just be sure to keep biblical principles in the forefront of your mind as you communicate with your husband, though!
Posted by: sheshe | July 13, 2007 04:49 PM
If we are completely honest with each other, even Christian couples fight. It is a common temptation (I Cor. 10:13). Not that that makes it okay. But we are sinners by nature and not always loving or fair. My take is that conflict in a marriage must be seen as an opportunity to grow... and there WILL be conflict or differences of opinion. It IS how we handle those conflicts or differences that can make the difference. What honors the Lord being the ultimate goal of course.
IF we think long and hard about what is fair, sometimes our flesh can rear up and think that God is not the one who is fair. But really it is us. "…is it not My ways which are fair, and your ways which are not fair?" (Ezekiel 18:29)
Isn't our example of fair that of how God has dealt with man? That would entail an abundance of both mercy and grace wouldn't it? "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you" (Eph. 4:31-32)
When thinking about how to fight fair, consider Scripture like:
"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption" (Eph. 4:29-30)
"Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil" (Eph. 4:26-27)
Tell me about a Christian couple that never has a conflict and I will say they are either dead physically or their marriage is in trouble because they do not communicate. Tell me about a couple that seeks to resolve their conflicts Biblically and I will say PRAISE GOD and TO HIM BE ALL THE GLORY.
I appreciate your input Sheshe. It is excellent.
Posted by: lisa | July 13, 2007 06:14 PM
Well said, Lisa. I am not quite sure I understood the basis of the question, since I have not read this book. Maybe I should have answered the "how to divide the chores" question! ;-)
Posted by: sheshe | July 13, 2007 06:54 PM
Actually I believe you did get it and I appreciate your approach!!!
Posted by: lisa | July 13, 2007 08:58 PM
Oh... and considering you have 11 children I would personally like to hear about how you divide the chores around your home. :-)
Posted by: lisa | July 14, 2007 08:48 AM
Well, I wasn't going to enter because I didn't have time that day to answer a question. With a newborn in the house, things have been a little crazy! But I really do want that book and hope to read it soon. I would like to respond about 'fighting fair.' I know alot about that because I don't always fight fair - I think I am better now, but my gracious, we've been married almost 10 years... it's about time I learned something, right? I have learned that it's best for us (mostly me) to wait a bit before I talk about it. I used to like to 'get it out' but when I do that, I often say things I regret.
Posted by: Jenn | July 25, 2007 09:02 AM