Perseverance...

For the next 4 to 6 weeks, we will have almost a daily presence of 2 guys tiling in areas of our home that put them amongst our family as we try to do schooling. They have their excruciatingly loud tile wet/ saw in the house because it is too cold to keep it outside. It's piercing sound as it cuts through the tile has caused 3 of my children to cry as they hold their ears. It is hard to get away from it because they are right next to our kitchen and it seems to echo through-out the entire house. Thankfully, only one of the 6 children are sick right now with fever and croupy coughing. Three of them were sick on Monday.
What can I rejoice in about this? The tile guys are very nice and respectful. They are fast and do an excellent job... and there are no tile saws in heaven. (though I could see that such a sound could possibly be in hell)
We also had the insulation guys over yesterday for a few hours. Nice guys. They are completely done.
The heat and air guys come on Thursday. I have to remind them not to smoke and dip in the house... but the smell of cigarettes seems to linger like a trailing cloud surrounding them. They should be done in 2 days.
The trim carpenters comes today and will trail behind the work of the tile guys and be here off and on, sometimes daily for the next 6 weeks or more.
Again... what can I rejoice in? Mainly that by Christmas we should be finished with the inside. At least with having contractors in the home.

As I told a dear friend, all I want, when this is over, is for those who entered our home to either work or just visit, to walk away having seen the grace of my Lord providing our family strength to press on and grow closer together. We have had many contractors make comments of how often they have seen couples divorce when going through such extensive home remodeling or building a new home. They have also commented on how we are so different because it seems we are actually growing closer as a family.

To God alone be the glory.

Though I am weary, the Lord ALONE is my strength!

The LORD is compassionate and gracious, Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. -Psalm 103:8

That's What Friends Are For

...to tell you the truth because they care.

Most of the time I can go through this season of challenges with my eyes focused on my faithful God knowing that He will uphold me. I obviously took my eyes off of him the other day and gave in to the physical pain instead of standing on the truth. My friend Terri published this song in the comments of that post in which I found myself being engulfed in the seeming relentless crashing waves. Thank you Terri. And thank you my pilgrim friend for using the very scripture that I have used to encourage you in the midst of your tumultuous storm... one that you have withstood well for the glory of God. Thank you for the "cyber" hugs and in-person hugs and prayers and to those who sent such encouraging e-mails and comments.

I may have far to go on this journey... much to learn. At times I may falter, slip a little, trip over myself; But thank you Lord for sending people in my life that do not hesitate to lovingly point me to YOUR truth. Help me Lord, remember that you do reign in the storm.

There's a tempest that can flood the soul
When troubles pound like crashing waves
In these afflictions I have realized
There's a place that I can hide
I know that God has promised me His strength
And His Word can never fail
He is faithful, Oh so faithful.
(Chorus)
There are Sovereign hands holding all my days
Yes I know God reigns in the storm
Every trial and pain wisdom has ordained
Yes I know God reigns in the storm, in the storm.

There's a midnight that can fill the soul
When the darkness has no end
And though it feels like I am all alone
There's a truth that gives me hope
I know the One whose counted all my tears
And He is nearer than my breath
He is with me--always with me

There's so many things that I don't understand.
But I know His every plan for me is good, so good.
(Chorus)
(Steve & Vicki Cook)

Tonight...

I am tired of being tired.
of always being in pain... especially with daily pounding headaches that never quite go away.
I am tired of the MS injections with side-effects that seem to get worse with each injection.
I am tired of not sleeping very well.

I don't want to poke myself with needles anymore.
... even if it means the brain lesions grow and I am unable to walk again.

Will I feel like this tomorrow? Are the injections worth it?

I was tolerating the pain okay today. Then at around 8pm, the headache intensified and I began to lose it. I just really don't know if I can take it anymore. And I don't know what to do.

I feel a bit like I am on a roller-coaster ride right now and I want to get off.

How I Spend my Time

I was looking back in my archives... wow. I think I have a lot to say. I enjoy writing. It is a stress relief for me that I have not had much time for lately. I use to write everyday. But, ever since we began that university-model school for our children, I knew my schedule would drastically change... and it has.
I think the biggest challenge, as I have expressed to others, is balancing the high academic level schedule of the school with home remodeling (yep... still going on) and those injections for the MS (that still make me sick). I have learned, more so, how utterly worthless I become when I depend on my own strength. I have no choice but to desperately depend on my Heavenly Father for strength and wisdom through prayer, His Word, and Godly counsel.
I LOVE the school my children attend. I LOVE that they get to be home 3 times a week and only gone 2 times a week for their school schedule. I LOVE the dynamics of the school, their goals, the very gifted teachers; the fact that open, fruitful, God-honoring communication between the teachers at the school and the partnering parent-teacher at home is emphasized. The school has its cons, but the pros surpass them.
I find this school, in comparing our experience with public schooling and homeschooling, to work the best in preparing our children for college. Yes, the schedule can be rigorous, the academics demanding; but the assignments are, for the most part, not mindless, time-wasting fluff. Some of the classes already seem college-level (like the Latin) and I get concerned sometimes that the emphasis might be too academic. But then, when I step back after what can seem like a demanding, sometimes stressful and other times exhausting home teaching day, I can see that it is far more than academics that my children are focused on. I can see them growing in Christ. I can see our family growing closer together as we look to the Lord for our strength. I can see them serving and giving God the glory. We have our moments when I want to pull my hair out and bang my head on the wall... but then I realize how short my time is with them and it makes me thankful that they are home.

Hybel Repents?

Connie, a friend I use to go to church with at Dennis Gundersen's church in Tulsa, wrote about THIS.
You can find the entire article HERE. Below is an excerpt:

Hybels confesses:

We made a mistake. What we should have done when people crossed the line of faith and become Christians, we should have started telling people and teaching people that they have to take responsibility to become ‘self feeders.’ We should have gotten people, taught people, how to read their bible between service, how to do the spiritual practices much more aggressively on their own.

Your Beast Life Now

(I am probably going to get in trouble for this one from people that I really care about that love this guy... but this image came up on my MSN Hotmail e-mail news and I thought, "Wow, that reminds me of someone.")

What is the balance between pride and despair?

"The enemy does not fear prayerless preaching, prayerless evangelism, prayerless meetings, or prayerless plans, but when the saints get on their knees, he trembles." -???

"If sinners be dammed, at least let them leap to Hell over our bodies. If they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees. Let no one go there unwarned and unprayed for." -Spurgeon

"Knowing God without knowing our wretchedness leads to pride. Knowing our wretchedness without knowing God leads to despair. Knowing Christ gives the balance." -???

"Some say that faith is the gift of God. So is the air, but you have to breathe it; so is bread, but you have to eat it. Some are wanting some miraculous kind of feeling. That is not faith. 'Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the Word of God' (Rom. 10:17). That is whence faith comes. It is not for me to sit down and wait for faith to come stealing over me with a strong sensation, but is for me to take God at His Word." -Moody

There is a story of a man who, in search of God, came to study at the feet of an old teacher. The sage brought this young man to a lake and led him out into the shoulder-deep water. Putting his hands upon his pupil's head, he promptly pushed him under the water and continued to hold him there until the disciple, feeling he would surely drown, frantically repelled the old man's resistance. In shock and confusion the young man resurfaced. "What is the meaning of this?" he demanded. His teacher looked him in the eyes and said, "When you desire God as you desired air, you shall find Him." -???

What a MESS

I finally gained access to my e-mail account. I then checked my "sent" messages and found that someone had compromised my supposedly secure e-bay/ paypal account... which is how they gained access to my e-mail and my bank account. They tried to purchase 5 sony playstation 2's. I had to shut down my bank account and cut up my debit card. Thankfully my bank is top-notch.
I am also very thankful for my Blackberry. It is through my Blackberry phone e-mail service that I was alerted to the fact that someone had changed my e-mail password within minutes of it occurring.

Hijacked

Apparently MSN thinks my e-mail has been hijacked (spoofed). They sent me a list of 16 questions I had to answer to verify whether or not I am who I am and until I write otherwise, I still do not have access to my e-mail. (Go to that hijacked/ spoofed link above... it is pretty ridiculous what the spoofer does once they have your e-mail... if you have gotten an e-mail from me after 10pm on Friday, October 12th and up to the point I inform you that I officially have access to my e-mail again... it is not really from me. I have not had access to my e-mail since that time)

Apparently, hijacking or spoofing is not illegal because hacking is not required. Call me naive, but are their really people out there that have nothing better to do with their time?

Life is so short.

Contact Hotmail for Support

After literally hours searching for how to contact my e-mail Hotmail service, I found a link HERE. Perhaps this shows my techno-impairment. I don't know. But I am dumbfounded at how dependent I am on my e-mail service. I did not realize this until I could no longer access it. I knew something was up when my Blackberry alerted me that my Hotmail account was no longer accessible for downloads to my phone because the password was no longer valid. I did not change my password. yikes.

Thoughts that quickly filtered through my brain:
Did I get hacked?
Is Hotmail down?

I still don't know. I had to give them my husband's gmail address to contact me and apparently they promised to do so within 24 hours. I have actually been impressed with Hotmail. Hopefully this will get resolved soon. In the meantime, I do not have a way to read my mail.