Above is a pic of my youngest daughter and me.
My Husband, My brother in Christ
It's my dad's fault...
...so if you all have wondered where I get my warped sense of humor... it is from my dad. Yep. And he is the one that sent what is below to me this morning. He is a retired military officer that raised 3 children for several years on his own after my mother left when I was 6. His retirement mainly consists of visiting grandchildren around the US and volunteering with his best friend (his wife) at various ministries, like Wycliffe Bible Translators and Jarrs. He recently went to Brazil for a 6 month missions trip. He's living it up for the glory of God in his retirement.
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2007
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food - we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All *@$#%&*! Employees
DATE: October 05, 2007
RE: The Holiday Party
Vegetarians!!!! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
Patty
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FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2007
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan
Anyway... for some reason the above post reminds me of THIS POST.
