Above is a pic of my youngest daughter and me.
My Husband, My brother in Christ
The World According to...
...Steven Wright
* When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
* When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child . . . eventually.
* For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
* I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. One day I got a call from a guy in France who said, "Cut it out!"
* I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.
* I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that."
* I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."
* I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
* I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said, "I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today." I said "Oops . . ."
* I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
* I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
* My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.
* I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.
* I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
* I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.
* I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
* Hermits have no peer pressure.
* There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
* How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
* Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?
* I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
* Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers.
* I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".
* I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards. Now everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer.
* I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."
* It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
* Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
* I'm a peripheral visionary.
* I make my own water - two glasses of H, one glass of O.
* Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Now go read THIS and seriously consider your legacy and live deliberately for Christ! Will you have pointed others to Christ or to yourself?
