Above is a pic of my youngest daughter and me.
My Husband, My brother in Christ
...so now it is your turn.
Chapter 9 of John Ensor's Doing Things Right in the Matters of the Heart is just another one of those chapters where he writes...
The Power of Waiting... Dots and Lines
Okay... so Chapter 8 of John Ensor's Doing Things Right in the Matters of the Heart discusses sexual intimacy.
Do Not You Love Me?
Yes... well that is Shakespeare for ya.
For some reason, it reminds me of Yoda.
The above title of my post is the male speaking.
The female responds, "Why no; no more than reason."
Ensor loves to quote Shakespeare in his Doing Things Right in th Matters of the Heart book and he explains why in the interview I did with him HERE.
This time, I am going to put Chapter 6 and 7 together.
Chapter 6 is titled He Initiates... She Responds
Consider the image above as you ponder the chapter title. What if he initiates the spin and she does not respond? And there is no way that she could initiate the spin and then he respond. Both end up in disaster.
Now, think about Biblical manhood and womanhood... man and woman as God designed them, as God intended. Don't taint it with the view of the world and the advice from magazine's such as Vogue that promote aggressiveness in women to go after their man. That might work for a whirlwind short-term sexual relationship that ends up leaving the girl pregnant and the affair over... disaster. But what about that mutually satisfying, enduring relationship where the man loves her well and loves her steadfastly and vice-versa?
Now you can perhaps grasp what this chapter is about.
Chapter 7 is titled He Leads... She Guides
Again, consider the image above as you ponder Biblical manhood and womanhood. There is equality in their mutual worth before God. But one must lead and one must guide and God has ordained for the man to lead. How does that woman guide? By welcoming the man's leadership; helping him to think clearly; encouraging him to act confidently. The result? A shared victory. If there is a mistake it is borne together. This is where the two become one. This is the complementary exchange where the male leads and the female guides... The wise woman will resist the impulse to lead while looking for ways to help him find his footing and lead as God intended; and the wise man, even if he is convinced that the woman will do a better job leading, will lead.
He leads, and she respects and guides his leadership.
Disagree?
Interview with John Ensor
It is a prayerful endeavor to come up with interview questions. Such was the case with John Ensor and I am so honored that he took the time to answer them. Especially considering that just within this week he was dealing with two break-ins at a new clinic in Miami. His hope is that God will use this to advance His grace. I have no doubt that God will abundantly do so. Please consider his pursuit to defend the weak and the innocent through the establishment of pregnancy-help medical clinics, otherwise known as pregnancy centers fervently in your prayers. Remember that quote from Spurgeon that I shared recently? Read it again and as you do, keep John Ensor and his family in mind knowing that they are no doubt on the frontlines of the battlefield.
"...The Saviour is, by His Spirit, still on earth; let this truth encourage us. He is always in the midst of the fight... and as the conflict rages, what a sweet satisfaction it is to know that the Lord Jesus, in His office as our GREAT INTERCESSOR, is powerfully interceding for His people! O anxious gazer, do not look so much at the battle below, for there you will be enshrouded with smoke and amazed with garments rolled in blood. Instead, lift your eyes yonder where the Saviour lives and pleads, for while He intercedes, the cause of God is safe. LET US FIGHT AS THOUGH IT ALL DEPENDED ON US, BUT LET US LOOK UP AND KNOW THAT IT ALL DEPENDS ON HIM..."
--C. H. Spurgeon
John Ensor has rolled up his sleeves to fight, though enshrouded by smoke and garments covered in blood spilled by the innocent life of the unborn. He fights as though it really does all depend on him, yet he knows he must look up to the One whom the innocent take refuge. He Does NOT CONDONE violent action against abortion clinics and doctors that perform abortions. He DOES reflect the COMPASSION of CHRIST on this issue when he fights for those babies' lives.
Here is the interview:
Particularly Superb... another give-away
Even though chapter 5 of Doing Things Right in the Matters of the Heart is less than 3 pages long, Ensor's illustration in this chapter that he feels sums up the entire book is particularly superb. It is so topknotch that I will refrain from sharing it with you here because, as you know, I strongly believe this book is a must-have... so don't miss out.
He begins this chapter with:
There are many things we could use some help with in matters of the heart: how to fight fair, how to communicate better, how to change and grow without drifting apart, how to achieve mutual fulfillment in intimacy, how to divide the chores. None of these things do we get in Scripture. Instead what we get is the heart of the matter: how to achieve unity, how to become one. The rest will work itself out according to personal preferences, gifts, and time... The heart of the matter is unity, two people becoming one. The wisdom and guidance we get from Scripture is that which promotes unity of spirit and shows how two very different people move as one...
If you will consider sending me an e-mail or blogging about it or even leaving a comment here that answers any of the four "how to's" highlighted above according to your experience, I will consider sending you a free copy of this book. Deadline is next Friday by noon, July 20th. These things are worth considering and sharing with others. You never know how profoundly the Lord can use your experiences (even the simple ones) to encourage or change another person's life.
This is a Girl Talk book study and we are only 1/3 of the way through the book, so it is still not too late to participate. Just lettin' ya know. :-)
Let me tell you a secret...
Ensor begins Chapter 4 with the mysteries surrounding manhood and womanhood and the matters of the heart. He turns to Chaucer from The Canterbury Tales:
One tale involves a knight whose life is forfeited to a woman. She tells the knight, "I will grant you life if you can tell me what things it is that women most desire." The man soon realizes that his doom is merely delayed:... Ensor then points to the fact that nothing has changed since Chaucer wrote this around 1387. He also addresses that a woman of this generation is not even allowed to ask questions that should be asked if she were to involve herself with a man.He sought in every house and every place
Where he hoped to find favor,
In order to learn what things women most love;
But he reached no lad where he could find
two people who were in agreement with each other
on this matter.
Is he moral?If she asks, she's a sexist. I have been called a chauvinist because of my stand on Biblical manhood and womanhood. It's perplexing and rather frustrating.
Is he good?
Does he know what it means to be a man?
Now... back to Chaucer. What DOES a woman most desire?
As a woman I am going to answer that question and unlock the mystery.
(*clear my throat*)
Driven by Chemistry or Character?
In Chapter 3 of John Ensor's Doing Things Right In Matters of the Heart he includes:
In the same way that hunger alone tells us nothing about eating nutritionally, our passions and urges do not teach us about loving well... "Desire without knowledge is not good." (Prov. 19:2)He writes about our endless search for happiness and the fleeting and futile pursuits that we seek to attain that "happiness." Ensor emphasizes that "Loving God first as a matter of the heart puts all our other loves in their rightful place and in their rightful proportion. We pursue them not as we will but according to His Word..." He also points out something so incredibly important in this chapter to women... discretion.
The woman who lacks discretion is defenseless when it comes to fraudulent love. Sadly, the worst kind of man is often the best at seduction. They know what to say and are bold enough to say it. Godly men are often hesitant and halting. The predator flows with talk of love and oozes with sensuality. Predators are devious in that they appear to be conforming to your agenda, when they are merely wearing you down to the point where you conform to their agenda. They are there to conquer and consume. Sister, you'd better get discretion or buy Kleenex in bulk.When I first met my husband in college I was introduced to him by mutual friends. I thought he was really handsome, but SO shy. The first thing that popped into my head was, "I would never marry this guy... he is way too shy." We dated for 2 years and it was certainly not a fairytale, but he is my hero and I hope my boys grow up to be just like him. As for my girls, the above excerpt sends me to my knees. God please protect them from those smooth-talking predators.
Now pop over to Girl Talk and get their take on this chapter HERE.
Things like premarital sex and pornography...
When it comes to matters of the heart, Ensor in chapter 2 gets right to the heart of the matter... and he rightfully does not hold back on the issues and consequences of that culturally acceptable, free-for-all mentality prevalent in our society when it comes to things like premarital sex and pornography.
Do you know the difference between what you truly want and what you are expected or tempted to want? This is a question for all of us. Men, women, singles, married, teens? Bottomline, if you think about it, no one truly wants a life of chaos. Not even an unbeliever.
Ensor writes, "When I was in high school, I remember going to a party with some friends. Everyone was shouting over the music, joking, and passing round cheap beer and jugs of even cheaper wine. It was foul stuff, so i guzzled it fast and asked for more. I drank up, passed out, woke up, and threw up. I remember asking myself, "Am I having fun yet?" ..."
In retrospect, he realized that the only reason he even partook of such an event boiled down to peer pressure.... he knew that to keep his friends meant liking things that he didn't really like; doing things that he knew he should not do. Funny thing... or should I say the sad thing is, that the illustration he provided above is about teen peer pressure; but as he illustrates later, you don't have to be a teen to get caught up in peer pressure or the pressure to do the wrong thing just to fit in or feel loved... accepted.
Back up... because he starts the chapter with the fact that "Not everyone wants to do things right in matters of the heart. Some simply want to do what they want to do, right or wrong."
He has a section within this chapter titled "A Self-Test for Women" where he quotes Wendy Shalit in her book, A Return to Modesty:
It is hard to separate what you really want from what you're supposed to want, but try this as a thought experiment. Women, when no one else is around, do you secretly long for a whole series of men; to arbitrarily marry one of them and have affairs, maybe not--to be cool and wait and see if anyone better comes along, and then divorce--or do you long for enduring love? [If it is enduring love... which, if you are honest with yourself, that is what you would pick], why do you allow your culture to shatter your hopes? Why is that you feel so dictated to, when you were supposed to be, above all, independent.
Pretend you are a counselor at a crisis pregnancy center. Two teen girls nervously walk in together wanting pregnancy tests. What would you say to them?
Ensor wrote that he whimsically asked them where those rascally men in their lives were. When I first read that I had to reread that section before I read further... then I said out loud, "OUCH!"
As I read on, his words made sense. These were two girls hurt, abandoned and confused. They weren't victims; they were coconspirators in their own destiny. They had learned from the culture how to dress and talk and put out. But it was supposed to lead somewhere other than to a pregnancy center, wasn't it? At least from a Glamour magazine's perspective.
He then asked, "How would you like me to tell you how to form a healthy, tender, passionate enduring, mutually satisfying relationship with a man?"
They were all ears.
Why? Because when you get to the heart of the matter, is their really anyone that does not long for that?
Think about it. Even the ZsaZsa Gabore's and Paris Hilton's and all those horney, sex-minded men out there that give this outward appearance of being those kinda people that just do what they want to do, right or wrong... even they long for that one true, enduring, passionate, mutually satisfying relationship.
God designed us that way.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and HOLD FAST to his wife, and they shall become ONE FLESH." (Gen. 2:24)
You have to get this book to read the rest of the story. Now go pop over to Girl Talk for their post on week 2 of this book club on Ensor's book.
I am in a Mutually Satisfying Love Affair
...with my husband. Really, I am.
And this is the beginning of my input on the first chapter of John Ensor's book, Doing Things Right in Matter's of the Heart.
Yep. It's book club time with Girl Talk.
Ensor starts out strong. No beating around the bush. He just dives right in with the truth we all need to hear... and pursue. He even quotes Mahaney from that fabulous book about humility: "I'm a proud man pursuing humility by the grace of God."
We are all proud people. According to this chapter, it is called the error of self-confidence.
It is one thing to act foolishly--to be a simpleton--when buying a used car. It is another when it comes to matters of the heart. The stakes are infinitely higher. Failure here means weeping into tear-stained pillows through sleepless nights. It means hot flashes of shame. It means spiritual incapacitation when it comes to things like prayer and worship... it has dragged too many off to Planned Parenthood with an innocent in the womb......It is time to revolt against the times... to learn how to spot fraud in matters of the heart, and to enter into a relationship as one "who gives thought to his steps" (Prov. 14:15).
Whew! See what I mean? And that is only the tip of the iceburg of straightforward wisdom pouring out of this 160 page book. It's really not too late to get one and participate in the book club.
So, why did I mention I was in a mutually satisfying love affair with my husband? Because Ensor has a section within this chapter where he mentions a staff member that introduced her husband as Mr. Wonderful and then rattled off a few of the things he did to make her so fulfilled and happy. Essentially she was simply enjoying the love of a good man and saying it as if it were as normal as iced tea in August. Sadly to Ensor and everyone else, I'm sure, it sounded radical--winsomely radical.
It isn't that these people are not full of human frailty as Ensor points out. It is just that they are reaping the wonderful benefits of a healthy, enduring, mutually satisfying love affair with one another.
Honestly, the first seven years of my marriage was hell. A hell that I made for myself in which I would easily involve myself in conversation with others who would sit around talking about all the things their spouses did wrong. You know, that human frailty factor just makes for flesh-appealing gossip. But then the Lord, and it really is His work alone that transformed my life, my marriage, into something unexpectedly beautiful and satisfying, gave me this LOVE for my husband that I had never had before. So deep and sweet. A love that caused me to see all those things about Him that reflect Christ. A love that caused me to find him irresistibly attractive. Oh, and a love that really does cover a multitude of sins when it comes to marriage. Not to the point of delusional denial of ongoing sin that needs to be confronted. No. It is the mindset love that focuses NOT on those annoying human frailty sins, but on what made me fall in love with the guy in the first place and the things he does now that make me fall in love with him even more. LOVE HAS TO cover a multitude of sins when it comes to marriage or you will be miserable. Though I do believe my husband got the short end of the stick. :-D
Now go read this hilariously sad, sometimes scarily true article about the lunatic bride. It will entertain you in a freakishly funny way.
And make sure you watch this video "I Want to Leave a Legacy"... I found it on No Shadow of Turning who found it on a young ladies blog that writes thought-provoking articles on her life with cancer and a longing to leave a legacy of Christ... Meet Heather and be blessed.
Terrified... but Honored
It seems as a result of participating in a book study with Girl Talk, I was contacted to start reviewing books for women and by women, as well as children's books. Some reviews will happen before the books are released and others are already out there. I am excited and a bit terrified... honored really. This is all quite unexpected even though reading, reviewing and recommending is something I do anyway on this blog. I do love to read but will certainly never be on the scale of Challies.
I do request your prayers. I have three books coming for review in the mail right now. One is set to be published before Mother's Day that I am especially looking forward to getting a preview peek at. It sounds like it is going to be excellent.
