Divorcing Your Adopted Child

Here is a question from a dear friend, Dennis Gundersen, from Grace and Truth Books. He was our pastor when we lived in Tulsa:

"...as an adoptive Mom yourself, do you have a strong personal opinion on the "disruptions" issue? It greatly troubles me, to the point of wondering if this is serious sin on the part of those who turn a child back to the state when it's not "working out". Usually, the origin of it is violence, threats, from the child to the other children. I don't want to fail to understand the difficulties of such situations, but I see less dramatic options available prior to giving up on the child and "sending him back"... these disruptions are events I am hearing about with increasing frequency (even in Christian families) and I know other pastors who are wondering what their public stance in the church ought to be in those cases. I'd be thankful to know your ponderings on it."

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Sin issues in our children

In light of my recent post, Do I treat them like they are adopted, I wanted to share the following:

"The problem stems from the fact that, with my biological children, these behaviors occured one at a time. They were typically dealt with and not allowed to become habits... Because (the adopted children's) parents were either absent or abusive, these issues were not dealt with and allowed to accumulate. Rather than being quickly extingished, the behaviors became habits. Thus I would say that the central issue with these children is the lack of proper parenting... Some do not grasp the importance of sin in the equation." -SheShe

Read Adoption and Attachment Disorders from a Biblical Perspective and Symptoms of attachment disorders

When the twins came to us, their "sin issues" were so foreign to me and there were so many rather large issues that had never been addressed. It was exhausting and overwhelming at times. With diligence to seek the Lord in His Word of truth, using scripture to guide us on how to untrain sinful habits in all of our children (and even ourselves) and replace them with godly habits, we can make and have made progress from a Biblical perspective... Our main goal with all of them is to share Christ in both words and deeds. I do get weary at times... but that is sin. For we are to never grow weary in doing good.
We knew this would be hard. We did not come at this adoption thinking that if it did not work, than we would get rid of them. (That is called "Disruption Adoption" and people really do this) But this adoption has been, even with all of its challenges, something very beautiful. As my pastor's wife said so well, they daily remind me of who I am in Christ.
No, I am not going to sit here and tell you I have handled parenting our children perfectly. My husband comes closer than I. We have certainly had our share of mistakes. It does take a willingness, as I have discussed with Candy in this thred, to come before our children in genuine repentance when we have not handled something as we should. It is also important to surround yourself with people to hold you accountable to the Word of Truth in all areas of your life.
Sincerely, from the heart...
Lisa

Read Love and Logic from Candy.
And Merciful Parenting from Kim.

Do I treat them like they are adopted?

I have been struggling with this question in regards to our adopted twin boys. In tears I pray that I treat them as though they came from my own body. I know that I love them OH SO DEEPLY!

The following is an e-mail from my pastor's wife. I poured out my heart to her with this concern. Here is her response:

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Siblings are living proof that it is possible to love your enemies

Read this: But I say to you, love your enemies
It is from Tessa. The young lady I have linked to before that has 10 siblings. She and 2 boys are biological. The rest are adopted from across the world. 10 of the 11 children are teens. This was a uniquely inspiring post that you should not miss.

WHY we adopted more children after we had already surpassed the 2.5 "standard quota"...

I have alot of children. Some I know have alot more... some have alot less. But according to today's 2.5 children per household... well, I have alot. And some have expressed wonder almost to the point of criticism as to WHY we adopted more after we had already surpassed the 2.5 "standard quota"...

Go to this link to read more: http://god-willing.blogspot.com/2006/02/i-have-been-diagnosed-with-insanabile.html